Meg 2: The Trench

Jonas Taylor (Jason Statham) the Megalodon punching, eco-terrorist fighting knucklehead is back and so are the Megs. Lots of Megs this time, not just one, because that will make it better than the first movie right? Sorry lads, not only is this sequel not better than The Meg it’s somehow worse. Can someone explain to me how you make a movie about giant sharks boring? Somehow they managed it because a movie about giant sharks should be anything but boring.

The worlds “smartest” scientists apparently didn’t learn their lesson that took place in the first movie four years previous and they continue their exploration of the deepest depths of the ocean. Since we last saw the team, they now have a Meg in captivity, as you do. But don’t worry it’s very secure and no chance the Meg will escape at any point. Statham and his team go on yet another mission down in the Mariana Trench, home to the Megs and some other ancient sea life, because that’ll end well. Due to some complications, they accidently blow a huge hole in the thermal layer, you know the only thing keeping all the scary prehistoric creatures away from the rest of the ocean. Well they blow a hole through that again and unleash the Megs onto the world. Here we go again, who could have possibly foreseen this and doesn’t this all feel very familiar?

For anyone wondering why The Meg even got a sequel at all it made a boatload of money in the cinemas. Lucky for us that means more Megs, but even getting director Ben Wheatley on-board wasn’t enough to rescue this mess. Meg 2: The Trench forgot it’s entire audience only want to see a bunch of Megalodons chomp on everything in the ocean for 90 minutes. We’re not here for the eco-terrorists, and corruption storylines with half-assed, one dimensional villains. Again it fell into the same trap as the first Meg and took itself way too seriously. I felt stupid watching this movie and at about the halfway mark all I could think of is there’s very little Megs in this Meg movie. The many unnecessary plot lines are stupid, the acting is stupid, the script is stupid and the Oscar for most underwhelming monsters in a monster movie goes to all the Megs that appeared in Meg 2: The Trench. They were absolutely useless and got upstaged in their own movie.

The first Meg movie had a similar problem in that it took itself way too seriously and didn’t have enough people getting chomped on. Like it’s a movie about a giant shark, if it plays out as a serious movie like Jaws then it’s set itself up for failure from the beginning. Having Ben Wheatley (Kill List, High-Rise) take over the franchise honestly didn’t make any difference, and I can only guess he needed a quick paycheque so I hope it was worth it. Even with ultra-low expectations, Meg 2 was a giant disappointment. It fails as an action movie and it fails as a monster movie. It doesn’t even deliver what it promises and the Megs ultimately get upstaged by some other prehistoric creatures and boring subplots. I just wanted a cheesy, entertaining monster movie. That’s all I wanted, is that too much to ask? Like it’s predecessor, it doesn’t have nearly enough laughs to place it in the “so bad it’s good” category. Honestly I got more laughs watching Lavalantula (yes it’s a real movie) than I did watching Meg 2: The Trench.

Recommended for anyone who thinks Jaws: The Revenge is a masterpiece, but honestly if you want a shark movie that actually falls into the “so bad it’s good” category, Deep Blue Sea or Sharknado are better choices than Meg 2: The Trench.

★☆☆☆☆